My wife and I have an open relationship. Found out last night.


Took grandma to a Chinese restaurant yesterday. She used her chopsticks to knit a sweater out of her noodles.


Me: “When I die, I want to die making love.”
Wife: “At least it will be a very quick death.”


I’ve gotten a lot stronger the past year, it used to take me 3 trips to carry $100 worth of groceries, now I can do it in 1 trip only using 1 hand. ?


A guy and a dog are sitting at the bar.
the dog says ” you think YOUR wife is a Bitch ? “


The lady next to me on this roller-coaster is screaming at the top of her lungs! Damn, it’s like she’s never seen a penis before.