– “Babe are you mad?”
– “Yes! I’m going to explain to you why so you can solve it and this won’t repeat itself!”
– *said no woman ever*


Wife – “You said you weren’t going to drink more!”
Me – “I’m not. I’m going to drink the same like before.”


All my life, I never imagined I’d wake up at 6am and go jogging…..
…..And I was right.


I love watching Women’s Heavyweight Boxing…
It’s hilarious to see them fight back the tears when the announcer tells everyone their weight.


The older I get, the more I understand why Noah only allowed animals on his boat.


My new year’s resolution for 2023
Is to accomplish the goals of 2022 which I should have done in 2021 because I promised them in 2020 and planned them in 2019


I know im early but i suffer from premature congratulation.


I went out for a few beers with my mates at lunchtime on Christmas Eve and didn’t get back until this afternoon…

When I arrived home my wife was really upset and screaming something about her Christmas being totally ruined…

Well it can’t have been me who ruined it for her, I wasn’t even there.