Jokes

– Excuse me sir, we have a dress code here.
– I work in IT
– carry on

Have you ever experienced that morning surge of inner energy, a charge of invigoration for the day, and an uncontainable desire to create? No? Neither have I.

I was at an important job interview today..
“Are you on facebook?” I was asked.
“Sorry, no. I’m not.” I replied.
“Twitter?”
“Nope.”
“Instagram?”
“Nah.”
“Look, just put your fucking phone away, will you!?”

I have no idea why this cop is so pissed off! I yelled “just kidding” and IMMEDIATLY gave him his gun back!

You know, the band “Fine Young Cannibals” originally had 8 members.

Snooker rules applied to sex
If Red is blocking Pink, go for the Brown.

Last night I was offered a threesome by two hot twins
Sex with Jessica felt great, but Jeremy was a pain in the ass.

When someone says, “It’s better than sex” they haven’t been having the right kind of sex.