0

respond

Life turns to death and asks “Why do people love me and hate you?” Death slowly responds “This is a joke site, stop posting meaningless sentimental bullshit, asshole”

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Instead of calling it “real life” we should just call it “offline”

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trip to Ireland

I’m planning a trip to Ireland next month. I’m going to rent a car and tour the country. So I’ve been practicing driving on the wrong side of the road while intoxicated ….

That’s a legitimate excuse officer.

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I’ve just accidentally discovered an amazing product by simply miss reading a sentence, instead of reading:
“Birth control pills”
I read:
“Bitch control pills”

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I make love like The Neverending Story…
In my bedroom, with imaginary friends.

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birds

Once upon a time, they were known as love birds.
Then they found love and got married.
Now, they’re angry birds!

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wish

I wish I could delete my trouser history.

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don`t wonder

if you are wondering what I look like without my shirt on.
my average McDonald bill is $15.57.v

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I was offered…

I’ve worked every day for the last 20 years, getting up at five in the morning, grafting until six at night, to struggle to pay for fuel, to pay my mortgage and put food in the cupboard. Today I was offered free heating, free accommodation and free cooked meals, with the added bonus that I wouldn’t even have to work for it.”I’ll take it!” I shouted to the judge.

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Putin

Russian President Vladimir Putin has been nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine for his work on clinical depression.

Apparently he can predict who will commit suicide the next week in London by just picking up his phone.