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Marriage Jokes

Marriage jokes about husbands, wives, weddings and anniversaries. Funny truths about married life that every couple will recognize.

Improvement

What’s the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital? At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.

Shut the…

Two year old son spits water on floor. Wife: we don’t spit! If it’s in your mouth, you swallow it. Husband raises eyebrows. Wife: You… Read More »Shut the…

Miss him

Two newlywed go on their honeymoon. As things start to get hot and heavy, The woman says, “Please be careful with me I’m a virgin.” The puzzled man replies, “But you’ve been married 3 times before.” “Read More »Miss him

Help!

Has anyone got a phone number for the Ghostbusters? I think I may have a poltergeist. I came in from work early and I heard… Read More »Help!

See you

My wife said last night, “Do you realise my mother is coming over for dinner in 5 minutes?” I replied, “Yes I know, I’m getting… Read More »See you

Before her

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce.Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ”Read More »Before her

Stoner thoughts:

Strippers are just married prostitutes. Think about it, they’ll tease you all daym but they’ll NEVER sleep with you.