Fun jokes

I’m atheist… But I still want the people I hate to burn in hell.

Having sex with a condom is a lot like eating Cheerios with chopsticks. I’m still going to enjoy it but its going to take me… Read More »long time to finish

One million copies of a new book sold in just 2 days due to typing error of one alphabet in title “An idea, that can… Read More »your life/wife

I wish my computer would stop asking me stupid questions. Of course I’m sure I want to clear my browser history.

Kid:Daddy why did you and mommy divorce? Dad:Well your mother couldn’t keep me drunk forever…

Girl: Do you play tennis? Me: Why? Girl: Well, your right arm seems a lot more firm than your left. Me: Yeah I play tennis

My wife told me to leave a tip for our waitress. “OK” I said, motioning to the waitress, “don’t ever get married”

“yea you can use my charger, mine is full” -no Android user ever

I’m having a relaxing bath and I think my girlfriend is making me a sandwich! YES! I assume anyways since she’s bringing the toaster into… Read More »last meal

*Drives into drive-thru* May I take your order? No. *Drives away.*