Complaint
When I die, I’m not going to Heaven or Hell, I’m going to the Complaint Department.
thefun
In a row
My mom caught me masturbating when I was 14. My dad caught me smoking when I was 16 and he made me smoke 20 in… Read More »In a row
Not looking
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because… Read More »Not looking
Cable company: No problem sir, a technician will be out tomorrow…
Cable company: No problem sir, a technician will be out tomorrow between 10:00AM and Thursday
Irony
She believes in honesty and wears a padded bra.
Women are quick to leave a man who lives with his mom but will…
Women are quick to leave a man who lives with his mom but will mess with a man who lives with his wife.
My wife stopped the car today and asked a guy for some…
My wife stopped the car today and asked a guy for some directions. “What’s the quickest way to get to the town centre?” she asked.… Read More »My wife stopped the car today and asked a guy for some…
Alive?
I didn’t have alcohol for a week and got a text from my Liver, “Hey there! You still alive?”
Nominated
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as “man surprised his credit card was declined”
Own hands
My girlfriend broke up with me. I guess it’s time to take things in my own hands now.