Fun jokes

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with the Internet. Worse than that my son Google agrees with her.

Having some alcohol- every woman’s excuse for wanting to get laid. Having a penis- every man’s excuse for wanting to get laid.

Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of… Read More »selfies

Boss : Could I see you in my office? Me: No, probably not. There are walls that separate our offices. and that’s why I’m here… Read More »that’s why

I can’t get out of bed. These blankets have accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now, I might lose their… Read More »Trust

I’ll call it a “smart” phone the day I yell “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your jacket!”

It’s hard to explain jokes to kleptomaniacs, because they always take everything literally.

Took the wife out for dinner last night & I was just about to order the steak when she said, “Why don’t you try something… Read More »long time

the best relationship advice i can give you is make sure you’re the crazy one…

Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife.　　　　　　　　 I was unbuttoning her blouse the other day, and she said, “Remember, you have a wife.”