thefun

fun fact

Women will think you are lying, even when you’re not.

If one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

“Religion is here, so the poor don’t murder the rich” Napoleon Bonaparte

ME: Baby do I look fat withthis costume? HIM: of course not hun, you’re the sexiest Orange ever!! ME: I’m a carrot -.-

As I sat there, twirling my hair in my fingers, I thought… I really need to shave my balls…

‘Pizza Hut, can I take your order?’ Me: ‘May I speak with the owl, please?’ ”Who?” Me: ‘Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.’

Some bloke accused me of trying to pick pocket him today. “You’re too slow for me” he laughed. “Now fuck off before I call the… Read More »with what

I like to think I learn from my mistakes. Last night is a perfect example. My kids showed me how to operate my new DVD… Read More »from my mistakes

When I undress in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on.

Me: “This is a heart touching moment” Her: “No, you have your hands on my boobs”