Jokes

My wife flashed before my eyes.

He was searching for money so I woke up and searched with him

Pekka is at a party in a tall building in the great city of Helsinki, which is quite different from the small timber cabin in the forest he is used to as a lumberjack. Pekka is enjoying the party, but after a few bottles of the moonshine he brought, Pekka finds himself in the need of a toilet. He asks the hostess where the toilet might be located. She notices he’s a bit drunk, so she points and explains very carefully: “Go out in the hall there, take the second door on your right, and be careful, there are three steps down, and there you’ll find the toilet.” Pekka thanks the lady as politely as he can, and wanders off in the opposite direction. He finds a door, slams it open, and walks straight in without a care in the world, and finds himself tumbling down 17 meters in an empty elevator shaft. A bit confused, he stands up, brushes some dust off his shirt, and exclaims: “Pärkälä! I’ll pee here! I can’t be bothered with two more steps like that!”

r/aww•Posted byu/sjrem4 hours ago2My 12yo son used the $50 he got for Christmas to buy our old hound a new bed
48.3k points415 comments

He said “Genius”

She asked why Budapest.I said I’d renamed my stomach BudapestShe asked why againBecause Budapest is the capital of Hungry.She is divorcing me.

3 friends were stranded on an island. After walking for hours, the 3 men. were found by a tribe that lived deep in the woods of the island. The tribe tie them up as prisoners and take them to the village. When they arrive, the 3 men are taken into the chief’s hut.Chief: “You 3 are now sacrifices for my tribe. But, if you each can go and bring back 10 of one kind of fruit, I will spare each who does.” The 3 men set off to find their fruit.The first man returns shortly with 10 apples.The chief then tells him, “Now that you have brought me 10 fruit, you must shove them up your ass without making a sound, or else you will still be sacrificed.”The man gets 3 apples in before he starts crying from pain. He is stabbed and killed by the chief.The second man returns with 10 grapes. The chief tells him the same thing. The man gets 9 grapes in before he starts laughing. He is then stabbed by the chief as well.Then the first man asks the second in heaven, “Why did you laugh?? You only had one more grape and then you’d be free!”The second man says, “I thought I had it too until I saw the last guy walk in with 10 pineapples.”