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Jokes

  • A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was

    I said “Sir, this is 2020. You can use any printer you want”.

  • Joe’s Headaches

    Joe is being plagued by terrible headaches.One day,after years of suffering,he decides to see a headache specialist.The doctor tells Joe to strip ,inspects him all over and announces that he has found the cause of the headaches.”Your testicles are pressing against the base of your spine” says the doctor “The pressure builds up and you get an excruciating headache”. Joe is appalled.”Is there anything I can do about it?”He asks.” “I’m afraid I have bad news.I have to get rid of the testicles”answers the doctor. Joe considers the pros and cons of a life without balls and sex.But then he thinks about the agony of his daily headaches and goes for the snip He comes round from the operation and leaves the hospital.Walking down the street he smiles as he realises that his headaches are gone.To celebrate,He decides to treat himself to some new clothes.He makes his way to a top tailors.Inside the tailor’s he asks to see a pair of pants.The tailor looks at Joe and says”You’ll need a 36 inch waist,33 inch inside leg.” Joe is amazed at the accuracy of the tailor and he asks for a shirt”That’ll be a 42 inch chest and a 16 inch neck.”The tailor says.Joe is once again stunned by his accuracy.Finally all that is left to buy is a pair of underpants.”36?” asks the tailor. “No sorry I’m a 34 “says”Joe”I have worn a 34 since I was 18.” This is not possible” frowns the tailor”If a man of your size wore a size 34,the underwear would press his testicles into the base of his spine causing the most horrific headaches”

  • What’s it called when you marry a shoemaker?

    Marrying your sole-mate

  • NYE

    My brain: knows NYE stands for New year’s Eve.Also my brain: New York eity

  • Knock-knock

    Who’s there?Abby.Abby who?Abby new year!

  • Perfect triangle…

  • A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three.

    Uno, dos… poof. He disappeared without a tres.

  • Early Celebrations

    I celebrate 4/20 on January 5thWhy?Because I like to reduce fractions.Happy New Year

  • You cannot “own” land; All of it belongs to mother Earth. Who are we in our hubris to claim that Her bounty may be our possession alone? We did not create this world- this world created us and as such we cannot lay claim to its body.

    Get this fucking parking ticket out of my face!

  • Guys, I think this sub is really improving.

    I haven’t seen a repost since last decade.