Why some of us might drink…..

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. ” Hello ?”Is your daddy home?” he asked ” Yes ,”whispered the small voice.May I talk with him?”The child whispered, ” No .”Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?” ” Yes .””May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, ” No .”Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”” Yes ,”whispered the child, ” a policeman “.Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”” No, he’s busy “, whispered the child.”Busy doing what?”” Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ,” came the whispered answer.Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”” A helicopter ” answered the whispering voice.”What ! is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.Again, whispering, the child answered, ” The search team just landed a helicopter .”Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…” ME!.”

Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.

September 17

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A man finds a genie in a bottle He rubs it. A genie pops out “you have two wishes” The guy says “hold up, aren’t I supposed to get three wishes?” the genie replies “Check your pants” The guy looks down his pants, and slightly surprised, says “how did you know?” Genie says “I’ve been […]

September 17

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Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password: “VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento” When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital.”

September 17

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Last night I was drunk and told myself I needed to stop drinking. I went into the fridge the next day and grabbed a beer Cause I’m not going to listen to a fucking drunk talking to themselves.

September 16

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My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am…… ….. an Ice Cube

September 16

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My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I’d been hiding. She got really mad and said she’s never going to play Scrabble with me again.

September 15

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Sex is like pizza

Even when it’s bad, they still expect me to pay for it

September 15

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I’m really not worried about anti-vaxxers….. It’s a dying movement.

September 14

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What small thing screams “I’m rich”? A dwarf who just won the lottery.

September 12

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A man walks into a bar…

The bartender asks “Why the long face?” The man replies “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death.” The bartender looks shocked and says “I’m sorry I can’t help you kill yourself.” The man asks “Well what would you do in my situation?” […]

September 12

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