Jokes

“Don’t open that wardrobe!” shouted my wife as I was just about to, “Your Christmas present is in there!”
“Too late,” I said, pulling open the door.
“You get me the shittiest presents!” I said, looking in. “Why the fuck would I want a half naked milkman?”

Being a man is far worse than being a women. Yeh, women get periods, pregnancy and mood swings. But, men have to marry them.

The best sex is “What if we get caught?” sex.

Isn’t it funny, you stop drinking cause you want to settle down and have kids.
Then you have the little fuckers and all you want to do is drink.

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, there was a professor, whose last name was Peters, who felt animosity for Gandhi, and because Gandhi never lowered his head towards him, their “arguments” were very common.Read More »Story

“So how did the interview
go?” my wife asked me.
“I’m not too sure to be
honest, I said all the usual stuff like, I’m a hard working person, I get on well with others, I won’t let anyone down, blah blah blah, but then he sort of looked at me funny.” “How come?” she replied. “Because I said blah blah blah.”

I remember back in High School, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was “Hitler’s oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement”.

“Do not fall in love with people like me.
I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth.
I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.”

When asked if online comics would replace actual comic books, Stan Lee said, “Comic books are like boobs. They look great on a computer, but I’d rather hold one in my hand.”

It would be difficult to explain a fountain to someone from the 3rd world. “This is our water showing off contraption… we also throw our extra money in it”