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We’re going international bois
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Barber: Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Would you like me to colour your hair?
Janes Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.
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What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside Fort Knox?
Edit: Wow! This Blew Up! Thanks for the Gold!
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I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people
But none of them work
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The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship.
I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.
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A married man arrives piss drunk to his home, he hardly makes it into his house after making a mess… in the morning he wakes up with a “breakfast for champions” in front of him, and he is like… what???…
A married man arrives piss drunk to his home, he hardly makes it into his house after making a mess… in the morning he wakes up with a “breakfast for champions” in front of him, and he is like… what???…He looks down to his in-bed breakfast and sees waffles, scrambled eggs with bacon, a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, an ice cold beer, a couple of aspirins, and a note that simply says “love you”.He stumbles outside the room and sees broken glass, a broken lamp, mud (or vomit) in the carpet, half the clothes he was wearing the day before stinking of alcohol and cigarette laying in the floor… he has no idea what happened, so he calls for his son.”where is your mom?” He asks.”she went to the store to get a new door lock” The kid answers.”ok… do you know what happened yesterday?””i sure do” says the kid; “you came home at around 5am drunk off your mind, you parked the car in the front lawn, after doing a couple of doughnuts on the front lawn with the car, then, you couldnt fit the key on the front door, and started knocking the door really hard and yelling for us to open, waking the neighbors that where still not awake because of the car parking, but you didnt wait for us, so you ended up kicking open the door after failing to force your way in…””…afterwards, you stumbled into the table at the entrance breaking the lamp grandma left mom before she passed away…””…after that, you tried to go up the stairs, and knocked off the wall most of the framed pictures we had hanging, thats when you vomited all over yourself.””So, what happened then?” asked the still hung over man.
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Couples Counsellor: So, what brings you here today?
My wife: I can’t stand it any more. He’s too literal.Me: My truck.
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What do you call a blind German?
A not see
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If you’re here for yodeling lessons please form an
Orderly, Orderly, Orderly Queue
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Got this awesome keyboard for Christmas, about to unbox it, really excited!
Jokes
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