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So I hear the Hulk’s believing in Muhammad nowadays…
Now he’s gone from “Hulk Smash” to “I Slam”.
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“How old is your girlfriend?”
“She’s 52”“Haha, dude, she could be your mom!”“Yeah, actually it’s yours.”
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A female janitor at my building asked me if i wanted to smoke some weed with her.
I politely declined- I can’t deal with high maintenance women.
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If I had a nickel for everytime I said anything racist,
A black mothafucka would’ve probably stolen from me
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Has anyone ever gotten a response about the God paradox?
Basically,Can an omnipotent being create a stone so heavy that it cannot lift it?Some other versions of it are like:whether God could create a triangle (on a flat surface, no cheating with non-Euclidean geometry) in which the angles do not add up to 180 degreesCould Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it? (which is by Homer Simpson)Most I’ve gotten according to my school’s Islamic studies book, the question is illogical and shouldn’t be asked (seems like a cop out if you ask me).
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Hmm
see full image
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Don’t be too harsh on people who are constantly taking selfies.
They are just trying to save face.
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A man goes into his bosses office
Man: I was just checking in to see if I could get the day off to help my wife do the yearly christmas cleaning?Boss: Absolutely not.Man: Thank you so much, I knew I could count on you.
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A vegan once told me…..
A vegan once told me that eating meat was gross….. I then replied a man who sells fruit and vegetables is grocer.
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One supposedly goes to Heaven for treating others well. Then God sends some of those “others” to Hell, you know, as He would if He wanted them treated well.
That’s why I have a furnace in my basement. I just throw people in. Doin the Lord’s work.Others believe you go to Heaven simply by believing Jesus died for your sins and by asking forgiveness. By the way, what does it mean that Jesus died for your sins? It means that literally everyone has broken God’s rules, either because He gives us that inclination, or even worse, we were born in sin without having made a single decision yet. And God just can’t handle all those broken rules without somebody being punished. And being the gracious guy that he is, he naturally put Jesus in time out, right? Oh no, I forgot, this praiseworthy fellow demands pain, blood and death. Oh thank you Lord for fulfilling your bloodlust with your son’s murder.
Jokes
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