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Jokes

  • Run

    Person: You a athletic?
    Me: I run
    Person: oh Sweet
    Me: *Whispers* a blog.

  • Recognition

    One sunny day, a priest and a rabbi are walking in the park. They pass a lake, and the priest says “It’s nice and sunny, why not go for a swim? We’re both men of God, so we shouldn’t be ashamed of our nudity.”
    The rabbi agrees, so they strip and dive in. After a while, they decide to get out again, but just as they stroll across the grass to their clothes, a group of school children passes by, including several ones from both the priest’s and the rabbi’s congregation. Quickly, the priest covers his genitals with his hands. The rabbi, however, covers his face.
    Out of the corner of his mouth, the priest mumbles “Why are you covering your face, brother?”
    The rabbi replies “Because the children in my community recognise my face, not my penis.”

  • Seenus

    Three men were sitting on a bench in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said “I died of cancer.” The second man said, “I died of tuberculosis”. The third man said “I died of seenus”. The first two men said, “No, you mean sinus.” The third man said “No, I mean seenus. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!”

  • Step by step

    I said to my wife “I think we are ready for the next stage of our relationship.” she giggled and said “what are you on about silly? we are happily married with two kids, what can possibly be the next step?” I said “divorce!”

  • Letter

    Dear Santa,
    I don’t know if you can do this, but for christmas, I’d like for my mammy and daddy to get back together.Please see what you can do?”
    Love Teddy.

    Read More »Letter

  • Wrong number

    “I love you,” I slurred as I phoned my wife from the pub.
    “I love you too,” came the reply.Read More »Wrong number

  • Happy Birthday…

    Nothing more awkward than singing happy birthday to a person whose name you don’t know.

  • Snooze

    The inventor of the snooze button has died. His funeral will take place tomorrow at 6:00, 6:09, 6:18, 6:27, and 6:36.

  • Roulette

    I keep an identical glass of vodka next
    to the water on my bedside table for
    a refreshing morning game of Russian
    Roulette.

  • Alternative

    Instead of leaking celebrity photos, maybe we can leak PDF versions of college textbooks?

    Just shooting that out there.