Jokes

Why is dark spelt with a k but not a c? Because you cant see in the dark.

She said every time we have sex a joke comes to her

He should have tended to the sick and left the well alone.

Aria 51.

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he’s feeling. The 80-year-old says, “I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?” The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. “I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went ‘bang, bang’. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?” The 80-year-old said, “I’d say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.” The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”

Trump: can you please speed up a little, the meeting will start shortly and we’re quite far away The driver : I can’t really Mr President, I am sticking to the limit. Also, we’re in the middle of the city and the roads look quite busy. I don’t want to put people’s safety at risk. Trump : I know right, but I really can’t be late. Let’s do something please, just pull over and let’s swap. I’ll drive to the place, I know where it is.The two swap and Trump starts speeding like crazy. 50-60-70 mph in the middle of the city. Shortly after the swap, they get pulled over by two police agents. Only one of them goes up to the car. The agent’s intentions are serious.Two minutes later the agent gets back to his car.Agent 2: so? What happened? What’s he saying? Agent 1: nothing man, I couldn’t do anything. Agent 2: what do you mean you couldn’t do anything?! Who is he? The Police Chief? Agent 1: No.. no.. much more.. Agent 2: who? The Governor? Agent 1: no man much more. I don’t even know who he is. I just know that Donald Trump was his driver!

Suddenly, he hears a voice, coming from nowhere.”Get off your horse.””What?”, the man asks.”Get off your horse.”The man, slightly irritated, does as the voice commands.”Dig a hole.””You want me to… dig a hole? Right here in the desert?””Yes.”Again, the man follows the voice and within a few seconds of digging he finds a pile of gold! The man is overjoyed, crying from happiness, when he hears the voice again.”Ride to Las Vegas.”This time, the man does not doubt the voice, gets on his horse with his newfound wealth and rides to the city.

My math teacher said that for pie to work take it to 3 dismal places.

Proseciutto

Because I just can’t even.