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My new years resolution is
1920×1080
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My cat at one of my awards.. and can’t quite poop it out
It’s a real cat-ass-trophy
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Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
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If I only had a week to live, I’d spend every day of it at work.
There, even just eight hours last fucking forever.
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What’s Devin Nunes favorite kind of cow?
Moscow.
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My dog pooped in my bed this morning
I forgive her though, shit happens.
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A pun, a play on words, and a Limerick walk into a bar.
No joke.
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honey
Husband embraced wife from behind, said : “I love you, honey.”The wife gigled and said : “What are you, Winnie the Pooh?”The husband shocked and stood back, his eye is full of hurt and been betrayedThe wife noticed immediately and apologized : “I’m sorry, General secretary…I didn’t mean…”
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Why did the waiter’s computer system not work?
Because of a server error.
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Marvel have released their schedule for the next set of Spider-Man films
Spider-Man: HomecomingSpider-Man 2: Far From HomeSpider-Man 3: Going Back Home AgainSpider-Man 4: Going Out Again For A BitSpider-Man 5: Coming Back Once MoreSpider-Man 6: Leaving AgainSpider-Man 7: Aunt May Is Angry Because She Wants to Know Where I Keep Going But I Don’t KnowSpider-Man 8: Why Am I At The Supermarket?Spider-Man 9: This Is The Last Straw, Peter. Are You and Your Friends Doing Drugs?Spider-Man 10: Going From Home to the Doctor To Get An Early Onset Frontal Lobe Dementia Diagnosis
Jokes
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