I’d be a terrible couple’s therapist. I’d be like, “have you tried anal?”

Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I’d like to hear today’s special. I said yeah He said, today is special. I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please. The waiter slams his notebook down on the […]

August 2

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A wise man once told me to never give up on my dreams. That is why I keep sleeping.

August 2

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I got a world map for my wall, I’m going to put pins in all the places I’ve traveled to … … but first, I have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

August 2

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I found an erectile dysfunction group online, it looks fun. It can’t be hard to join

August 2

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To all the teachers who said I would be nothing but a construction worker and an alcoholic. Fuck you that just was a lucky guess

August 1

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What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress? Error in connecting to the server

July 31

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l finally told the hot woman at work how l really felt . She said she felt the same way . So she turned the air conditioning up higher.

July 31

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Washington DC doesn’t need metal detectors, it needs lie detectors.

July 31

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I took a urine test at the hospital yesterday… My kleptomania is really getting out of hand…

July 31

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Box or wrestle

waitress said ” you wanna box for your leftovers ? ” I said “No , but I’ll wrestle you for the check ! ‘

July 31

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