I’m so fricking mad right now, it’s pouring out of me. I need to know if my wife and I are assholes or getting wrongly upset? Sorry this is so long.TLDR: My sister-in-law doesn’t want me to hold her baby because I’m trans and everyone thinks my wife and I are the wrong ones for being upset by that.Some background first. I’m married for almost 10 years to my cis-female wife with two young kids (girl, 7, boy 5). I’m gender fluid (mtf) and have been on hormones for almost a year. I have no immediate family and we came out to my wife’s family in September (her mom (MIL) and dad (FIL), then her sister (my SIL) and brother in law (BIL)) before coming out to the rest of the world in October. My SIL and BIL told us honestly they were a little uncomfortable with the idea of me dressing as female and weren’t sure if they wanted to see me like that or expose their 6-month old son to that. My wife and I decided to let it lie since, at the time, tolerance would have to do and we hoped acceptance would come in time. They’ve been awkward and really weird about me and their son ever since, going so far as to try to avoid me holding him and watching me like a hawk when I do.Fast forward to last night. We’ve been trying to organize our annual Christmas get-together with the in-laws. SIL and BIL claim to have crazy schedules and the only day they are both off is on a Monday when FIL, MIL, and I usually work (my wife stays at home). After a lot of back and forth, where it was suggested we just split up Christmases for the first time and SIL/BIL would do it with their parents on Monday and us with the parents on Sunday because I work on Mondays and MIL/FIL took off or were going to work around it. Normally, I’d take off, but I’m acting for my supervisor for the first time next week and wanted to make a good impression. When this started seeming mukked up, I just decided I’d figure it out for Monday and be there either way.Then this morning I wake up to a text from my SIL. In short, they don’t want me to hold my nephew any more because he may root for my breasts. And could I please not tell my wife because of her mental health. So, a few more notes. 1 My wife has suffered from anxiety and depression for years, but it’s been well managed most of this year and normal small things certainly don’t upset her. She doesn’t fly off the handle or get suicidal. It’s well managed. 2. My breasts are small and well covered. 3. The baby doesn’t even breast feed. 4. Apparently he does root for my MIL’s breasts, but there is no problem with her holding him because she’s a woman apparently. 5. I’ve held him a few times with absolutely no issue.I told my wife, she was very upset. We both are. To me, this feels like blatant transphobia and the first step on a dangerous road that eventually leads to her asking me not to be present at family events any more. My wife tried calling and texting, my SIL text back she was holding the baby while he napped. For 2 hours. And couldn’t call her back. My wife talked to MIL and told her this was ridiculous. My MIL said she doesn’t want to take sides that she loves and respects both her daughters and that she’s going to respect SIL’s wishes for her child. I feel this is all an excuse. My SIL uses that baby as an excuse for everything and it pisses us all off, MIL/FIL included. But now it seems like MIL doesn’t want to take sides because she agrees with SIL.I spoke to my wife who told me to text her sister back. I wrote every text and ran it by my wife before sending. Now SIL is mad at me because i’m being mean for calling her request disrespectful. She’s of the mind set that it’s her kid and this is a reasonable request. In a back and forth with my wife, she leveled and said “So you’re saying I have to be okay with him being transgender to have you in my life?” My wife text back yes and SIL said “fine, that’s all I need to know”. She’s apparently too preoccupied to call us, but has unfriended me on facebook. We’ve tried explaining that there is no bending on this, that if she’s not comfortable with me being around my nephew, we’re not going to spend time with them. She’s pretty accepting of the idea of writing off my wife and kids entirely over this. And MIL refuses to say how she feels about this. She suggested we just do separate Christmases and not exchange gifts with each other. By the way, BIL feels the same as SIL. No mention of how FIL feels about all this.Now my wife is incredibly upset, as am I. She feels like she is about to lose her entire family over this and I am afraid she’s right. My heart is breaking for her because I feel like I’m the problem. But I’m so mad at SIL for pretending it was okay and then starting this problem with a completely unreasonable request.Are we in the wrong to be mad at SIL? What about MIL? I’m so mad at everyone. I need support today. 🙁