The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.

The Soviet army is marching through the Finnish swamps when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:”I bet one Finn can beat ten Soviets!”The Soviet officer laughs at this and sends ten of his best soldiers to deal with this guy. After a couple of minutes of shooting they hear the voice again:”I bet one Finn can beat a hundred Soviets!”The officer, now enraged, sends a hundred soldiers to silence this cocky Finn. A few minutes of shooting and screaming later, the voice shouts again:”I bet one Finn can beat a thousand Soviets!”The officer is now absolutely furious with this enemy, but knows that nobody could possibly beat 1000 soldiers alone, so he accepts the challenge once more and sends 1000 of his men. Nearly 15 minutes of shooting, screaming, and bright flashes later, a lone Soviet soldier comes crawling back over the hill with severe burns, covered in blood and half of his leg mangled. Panicked, he yells to his comrades:”Don’t go up there! It’s a trap! There are actually two of them!”

Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.

September 17

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A man finds a genie in a bottle He rubs it. A genie pops out “you have two wishes” The guy says “hold up, aren’t I supposed to get three wishes?” the genie replies “Check your pants” The guy looks down his pants, and slightly surprised, says “how did you know?” Genie says “I’ve been […]

September 17

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Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password: “VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento” When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital.”

September 17

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Last night I was drunk and told myself I needed to stop drinking. I went into the fridge the next day and grabbed a beer Cause I’m not going to listen to a fucking drunk talking to themselves.

September 16

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My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am…… ….. an Ice Cube

September 16

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My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I’d been hiding. She got really mad and said she’s never going to play Scrabble with me again.

September 15

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Sex is like pizza

Even when it’s bad, they still expect me to pay for it

September 15

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I’m really not worried about anti-vaxxers….. It’s a dying movement.

September 14

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What small thing screams “I’m rich”? A dwarf who just won the lottery.

September 12

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A man walks into a bar…

The bartender asks “Why the long face?” The man replies “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death.” The bartender looks shocked and says “I’m sorry I can’t help you kill yourself.” The man asks “Well what would you do in my situation?” […]

September 12

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