Jokes

–MY APOLOGIES TO E.A POE–
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I websurfed weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious website of “Hot Chicks Galore”, while I clicked my fav’rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour. “Tis not possible,” I muttered, “GIVE ME BACK MY FREE HARDCORE!”
-Quoth the server “404”.

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighbourhood. Suddenly he realised there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. “This is a brothel”, replied the madam. “Well, what’s all this out on the lawn?” queried the man. “Oh, we’re having a yard sale today.”

What’s on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³
What teacher sees: 2+2=4
What you see: すきうせちし
What you remember:

Death : ” its time , give me your hand ”
Blonde : ” No way , I know that if I don’t touch you , I don’t die ”
Death : ” Oh shit , you figured it the secret of eternal life !! Hi five !! ”
* hi five slap Death : dumb bitch …

When I first saw you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.

me : *washing car*
neighbor : your washing your car ?
me : no I’m watering to see if it grows into a bus

A man finds his wife propping up their washing machine on one side with two bricks.
Man: What the hell are you doing?
Wife: Washing at 30 degrees.
Man: …..

Husband throws darts at wife’s photo but not a single one hits the target.
Wife from kitchen, “honey, what are you doing?”
Husband, “Missing you “

I just want to lose weight by staying in bed, watching TV, and eating chocolate chip cookies. Is that too much to ask??