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Jokes

  • to reduce the losses

    My girlfriend’s online shopping downstairs so I’m upstairs logged on to the same site and deleting everything in her cart.

  • same reaction

    Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.

  • cheap solution

    Can’t afford anti depressants…

    So I’m drinking No More Tears shampoo.

  • first instruction

    The first cooking instruction on food packaging should be “Don’t throw out box until after reading all instructions.”

  • depends

    Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 cans of beer a day seems necessary.

  • unlogic

    The English language: If a car transports something it’s called shipment.
    If a boat transports something its called cargo.

  • second best

    Drawing is the second best thing in the world which requires your Hand & Imagination simultaneously.

  • take

    Every time I go into my bosses office she tells me “take a seat.” I have 14 now

  • change

    My ex reminds me off pink floyd… He became less ‘how I wish you were here’ since he started dating ‘the dark side of the moon’

  • password

    * At A Restaurant*
    Waiter; What Would You Like?
    Me: The WiFi Password……