Jokes

Guide for Russian troops: How to identify Ukrainians
Sometimes Ukrainian saboteurs try to pass off as Russian troops. The easiest way to identify them is to remove their pants and examine their genitalia. All Ukrainians have balls of steel. Even women.

They say size doesn’t matter
But imagine how many lives would be saved if putin had normal size dick.

What’s the difference between Putin and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself

When I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes made into a very large butt plug…..
that way, I can continue to be a big pain in the ass

I keep hearing about a chip shortage, so I’m stocking up on Doritos.

In Soviet Russia troops withdraw forward

Russians are sending peacekeepers into Ukraine.
They’re saying, ” You see this piece of land? We’re keeping it.”

A guy turned to his wife who was reading her book and asked
How’s your book? Interesting read?

She replied: well, the only way I could describe it, is that it’s a bit like our sex life

How so? Replied the guy

Well it’s short, boring and a bit predictable.

I decided to donate my body to science
For the time being, I’m following a routine to preserve it with ethanol until they need it.

I’m going to hire a private investigator to find out what I do all day 🧐