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Jokes

  • My vagina is like the local gym,” said my wife.
    “What?” I asked. “Hot and sweaty?”

    “No,” she replied. “Only a few members use it regularly.”

  • When a sex worker gives you a discount, you’re getting a holesale price.

  • why are women and salads opposites?
    You dress a salad right before you eat it

  • Tolstoy’s great-grandson and Dostoevsky’s great-great-granddaughter began working together on a sequel to their great ancestors called “War, Peace and Idiot.”

  • “Dad, if we kill all the bad people, will there be any good ones left?”
    – No, son, there will be only killers.

  • – TASS (Russian news agency) is authorized to state that the cruiser “Moscow” is participating in a special underwater operation!

  • Why are virgins so chill?
    Zero fucks given.

  • The newlywed couple come back from their honeymoon. The bride’s mother asks the groom: Did you enjoy “the whole thing”?

    The groom answers: Yes, I enjoyed the “hole” and she enjoyed the “thing”!!

  • I walked up to a fit girl at a bar the other night and said,

    “Hey gorgeous, can I buy you a drink?”
    She said, “Do you like sex?”
    I said, “Of course I like sex.”
    She said, “Do you like to travel?”
    I said, “Yeah, I love to travel.”
    She said, “Then fuck off.”

  • I went to a strip club at lunchtime today but it wasn’t open.

    The sign on the door said, “Sorry, we’re clothed!”.. ?