Jokes

When I was little, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason!
So I’ve worked all my life to invent a time machine of my own, and I’m going back to when he was little and we’ll see how he likes the taste of his own medicine.

At what age did Chuck Norris lose his virginity?
Trick question, Chick Norris never loses!

My Boss rang me and apologised for not believing I was sick….

Then, He told me he’d seen my posts on thefun.net and realised that I’m as sick as fuck.

I drink beer because I’m too lazy to walk.
They say you should walk 10000 steps, the AA only requires 12

People say I mangle metaphors, but you can’t make an omelet without beating a few dead horses.

During the upcoming birth of Maria Sharapova, the staff of the maternity hospital runs the risk of becoming deaf.

Russia’s only high-precision weapon is a television. It affects the brain, even if it is not …

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.