Jokes

It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia…. I can’t sleep because I have internet.

I took off my boyfriend’s glasses last night and said, “Wow, you’re stunning!”
He said, “And so are you….

…suddenly.”

My husband asked me to dress up as a nurse tonight to fulfill his fantasy…
that we have health insurance. 

There’s nothing more awkward than beating your family on a Wii game that requires the remote to be vigorously jerked back and forth, only for your mother to ask you “Have you been practicing?”

Pick-up line:
“I think it’s high time someone came over here and told you what everyone has been saying about you behind your back.”
“And what is that?”
“Nice ass!”

Ladies..Men think with their penis… So if you see one scratching their crotch,  it means they’re confused.

I just made a sex tape.

but I guess Home Alone is already taken.

Religion is like the male nipple:

It has survived years of human evolution despite having no useful purpose.

How many country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 5, one to screw it in, and four to sing about how much they miss the old one.