Jokes

Me at art gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art.
Art dealer : I beg your pardon Sir, that’s a mirror ..

Opinions are like orgasms. Mine’s more important and I dont care if you have one.

There are two ways to avoid hangovers:
1* Don’t drink
2* Don’t stop

You know what Victoria’s Secret is.. Over charging you for a tiny piece of fabric that can be pushed aside by a tongue.

I hate people who claim to be helping me but then steal my money !

Bloody bank !

My art teacher told us to draw what the future would look like. Everyone drew flying cars and spaceships. I drew a shell gas station with $15.00 a gallon.

My new pool boy obviously hasn’t watched enough porn to know the real reason I hired him.

My grandad asked me what I wanted for my birthday so I told him a ship in a bottle… Shame his hearing is getting bad.

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends!…..
may they never meet!

To my future kids:
You are gonna start out with a flip phone,I don’t care if the Galaxy S10 is out,you are gonna know the struggle.