Jokes

I want to make a drink named F5…

Cause it will be refreshing.

Dear Microsoft, If you had called it “Bang” instead of “Bing,” you’d have destroyed Google. Example: I banged Sofia Vergara last night.

Girls: Age 14, Look 18, Act 21
Guys: Age 21, Look 18, Act 14

people who still call radio stations to request songs are the same people who still update their MySpace profiles

saw this girl the other day… She’s so beautiful it’s like in heaven above gaved her everything… well except my phone number

-so… where were do you wanna go?
– don’t speak, just follow your heart.
– come on dude be serious or get out of my taxi.

Last Halloween I shouted to the wife “Baby there’s at witch the door, what should I do?”
She shouted “Give her some candy and tell her to fuck off!”

My mother in law hasn’t spoken to me since.

DATING: “Oh, you’re so funny! I just love a man with a great sense of humor! ”

RELATIONSHIP: “What the fuck is wrong with you?! Is everything a fucking joke to you?! “

Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?
No?

How about now??

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.