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Father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed
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Father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed
A father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed. His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened.
“God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye grandpa”
The father asked “why did you say good bye grandpa?”
The little girl said “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.”
The next morning, the family received news that the grandfather had indeed died. The father thought that it was just a very lucky coincidence.
A few months later, he tucked her daughter into bed, and she said a prayer. “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, goodbye grandma.” And of course, the next day, the grandmother died. The father realized that his daughter could predict the family deaths, and that this was no coincidence.
A few weeks later, he tucked his daughter into bed, and her prayer went “God bless mommy, and good bye daddy.” Her father went into shock. He stood up all night waiting for the worse, and then sunrise came. He decided to just stay at work the entire day to be safe. He stayed at his office until midnight came. When it did, nothing happened.
He breathed a sigh of relief. When he came home, his wife asked why he was home so late. “I had the worst day of my life.” Said the father. “If you think your day was hard, you won’t believe what happened to me, my boss died in the middle of a meeting!”
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Jewish man sends son to Israel
in Joke of the Day A Jewish man decides his son isn’t religious enough, so he pays for him to go visit Israel…
When his son comes back, however, he says he’s now a Christian.
Exasperated, the man goes to his Jewish friend for advice, but his friend says, “that’s funny, I sent my son to Israel last year and when he came back, he also said he was Christian.”
The two men decide to speak to their rabbi about this, but when they explain the situation the rabbi says, “that’s funny, two years ago I sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian.”
The three men decide only God can have the answer, so they pray. The rabbi says aloud “dear God, all three of us sent our sons to Israel, and all of them came back Christian.”
God’s voice booms down, “that’s funny…”
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Talking frog
A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the young man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Next the frog yells, “Okay okay, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you FOREVER and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the young man took the frog out, then he chuckled at it and put it back in his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you forever, and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The young man said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”
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Severe headache for years
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Severe headache for years
A MAN went to the doctors suffering from a severe headache for years on end. The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is it will require castration. “You have a rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
Joe was shocked but he knew he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, and he truly believed he could make a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need … a new suit.”
He entered the shop and said, “I’d like a new suit.” The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see … size 44 long.” Joe laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit; it fit perfectly. The salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”
Joe was on a roll. “Sure.” The salesman said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16 ½ neck.” Joe said, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years.” Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?” Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.” The salesman said, “Let’s see … size 36.” Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”
The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one heck of a headache.”
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