Jokes

If you want to keep a
secret from me, write it and send it to
me as a Facebook event invitation.

Stu(dying)
Stu(died)
Coincidence? I think not.

School teacher: do you prefer modern history or ancient history?
Me: I only know about clearing history.

Got up extra early to shave my legs because I’m gonna order pizza now.
I watch a lot of porn.

Going to war over religion is basically killing one another to see who’s got the better imaginary friend…

Very soon women will pay men to suck their breasts..
BBC Homepage Top News Story –
Doctors recommend that women reduce the risk of breast cancer, by having their breasts sucked.
It is said that regular sucking of the breast lowers the risk level. Help save a life today, Suck some boobs today! Send this to all responsible men, & to ladies who are unaware of the high risk. Men please save women. We will save tigers later..

I was sitting in a room with my Aunts, uncles and cousins I looked over at my grandmother who had the biggest smile on her face, I asked her why her face was like that, she replied “Everyone in this room is alive because of my vagina”

My husband said last night, “Do you realise my mother is coming over for dinner in 5 minutes?”
I replied, “Yes I know, I’m getting ready now”
“That sounds like her car pulling up outside”
“No, that’s my taxi, see you later”

Me and my wife were having a romantic meal in a restaurant, when I said, “Close your eyes babe and don’t peek until I say so”
A minute later, I said,”Ok, you can open them now”
“What is it then? You’ve got me all excited” She replied
…”Just the dessert trolley babe” I said,”but don’t worry, it’s past us now”

Brain: “Ok body, lets go to sleep”.
Penis: “Hold the fuck up, I gotta get up and stretch for a second”.