Jokes

I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.

I’ll never forget the day I got married.

I’ve tried everything: drugs, alcohol, even hypnosis.

“Well, the woodpeckers were a mistake.” Said Noah, as the ark started to sink…

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Remember when we had to get out of bed to get on the internet

A hacker attack briefly shut down Twitter on Thursday.
Millions of twitterers were forced to talk to each other the old fashioned way.
Through Facebook.

People say if you open an umbrella indoors, it’s said to bring bad luck..
Personally i think, if it’s raining indoors.. You’ve already had your bad luck.

Doctor “Are you sexually active?”
Depends on what you mean by “active”.
There are plenty of “active” volcanoes that haven’t gone off in over 50 years.

Life is like a dick…Sometimes
it gets hard for no reason.

They say drugs and alcohol isn’t the answer.

Unless they ask”What’s the secret to a happy marriage?”