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Jokes

  • 4 comrades go to a Soviet hotel for a night during a business trip…

    As they walk into their room, 3 of them, whip out some vodka, food and cigarettes and begin to make jokes about the government and be very loud indeed. The 4th one is trying to get some meaningful sleep and knowing that it would be fruitless to ask them to stop, hatches an ingenious plan. He goes downstairs to reception and asks for a cup of coffee to be delivered to the room.

    “Make sure you deliver it exactly after 10 minutes starting from now”

    Returning back to the room he joins his comrades midway a Stalin joke. He sits up shocked and exclaims:

    “Comrades! You must not say these things! Don’t you know? They are listening to our conversations right now!”

    The comrades jeer and laugh at him and say that that is impossible.

    “Really? Then how do you explain this?”

    He gets up and speaks into the lampshade by the beds.

    “I would like a black coffee to be delivered to my room, please.”

    And surely enough, in a short amount of time, a maid walks in with a cup of coffee and some sugar.

    The other 3 comrades turn deathly pale and quickly turn in for the night. The last comrade drinks his coffee and peacefully goes to sleep.

  • Fun for everybody

  • @TP

    Sometimes I wish I was a tiger in the circus jumping through flaming rings of fire, but instead of flaming rings, they were onion rings, and instead of jumping through them, I would be eating them.

  • Rushing for Black tomato gin

    I’ve never run a marathon…
    But I have walked across a parking lot really fast because the liquor store was about to close.

  • @Nutty squirrel

    Something fun to do:
    Go to a yard sale and secretly place a dildo in there and hang around to watch people’s reactions.

  • @supernurse

    They say, “revenge is sweet.”
    They also say, “revenge is a dish best served cold.”

    I’ve come to realize revenge is probably ice cream.

  • @Spoon

    I think my bathroom mirror is defective.
    Every morning it’s out of focus.

  • @Marvin

    I went skydiving and this guy straps himself to me, we jump out of the plane and as we plummet, he says to me, “So, how long have you been an instructor?”

  • @Nutty squirrel

    Girl gonna text me “Come fuck me”, like I’m some kind of piece of meat.

    First of all, I’m on my way….

  • @JOKESTER

    During plane flights, I get really terrible earache!
    This year I found a solution that’ll help….

    I’ve booked my wife’s seat 10 rows back.