Jokes

A male whale and his mate were swimming around in the ocean, when all of a sudden, the male whale catches sight of a whaling vessel in the distance.
He takes a closer look, and recognizes it as the ship that harpooned his parents many years ago. So, he turns to his girlfriend and tells her that he wants to avenge the death of his parents.
Read More »no way

I’m pretty sure Jägermeister translates to “I didn’t want to be productive tomorrow anyway”.

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

The swallow.

Me: Dad does mom ever get jealous?
Dad: Your mom doesn’t mind me flirting with other women. She finds the rejection quite entertaining.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 4 years, so last night I finally popped the question.

…Why the fuck are we still together?

I tried to convince my little girl that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poo your pants.

…But she didn’t buy it. She’s still making fun of me.

The self checkout was invented by a man who was sent to the store to buy tampons.

Ever heard about the device that converts thoughts into speech?

It’s called Alcohol..

One thing my old Dad always said to me: Son, never explain yourself to anyone.
He never did tell me why.

As the inventor of the computer mouse has died I can just imagine how his funeral will be.

Drag and drop.