Jokes

The NSA
The only part of the government that actually listens.

I have the worst luck in girlfriends. They always shout the wrong name in bed.
When will women learn that my name is not God?

Today I went to confessional at my local church. I said to the priest: “forgive me father for I have sinned, it’s been six months since my last confession.”
He asked what I would like to confess so I told him: “I’m going to bl@ckmail somebody father.”
“Why?” He asked.Read More »Forgive

Lesbians can also take Viagra.
They don’t have to swallow it, they can just let it melt on their tongues.

Instructions for falling down stairs…
Step 1

      Step 2

              Step 4

                      Step 8

I bet that the little Red Riding Hood was blond.

After my girlfriends father died we decided to get married stood on his grave.
Well he did say I could marry his daughter over his dead body.

My husband asked me dress up as a nurse tonight to fulfill his fantasy…that we have Health Insurance!

“I’ve been cheating on you,” I said to my wife .
She said, “Really? Honestly? You lousy bastard.”
“And furthermore,” I said, “she says I am fucking amazing in bed.”
“Fucking hell, Stu ,” she said. “You silly bastard, you had me going there for a minute as well.”

me: ladies first
her: is that because you want to look at my ass?
me: no, it’s because I’m a gentleman…… looking at your ass is completely coincidental