Jokes

Make it awkward today by asking people what they did for Valentine’s day.
When they answer, “dinner”, you should say, “No…after that.”

The phrase “until death do us part” was invented when the average lifespan was 35 years.

Cop: Sir, are you drunk?
Me: No, occifer.
Cop: Step out of the car and say the alphabet backwards, please.
Me: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba
Cop: I’m impressed, I couldn’t do that sober. Me: Me neither.

After clearing your browser history there should be a button that makes a new history filled with regular websites instead of having it be all empty

Opinions are like orgasms. Mine is the most important and I really couldn’t care less about yours.

Why do we call it “losing your virginity”?
Who loses it? Most of us don’t go looking for it after its gone.

You haven’t seen a woman overreact until you tell her she is overreacting