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Why did David Bowie’s VCR always flash “12:00”?
Because although time may change him, he can’t change time.
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A wise old pirate captain has captured a group of merchant sailors, but he tells them that he will spare their lives if they can answer a question: What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
The first sailor, with a smug look on his face, haughtily walks up to the captain and says “Obviously it’s RRRRRRR!”. The captain slowly shakes his head and says “RRRRRR you kidding me?” before throwing the sailor overboard to the sharks. The second sailor, a little wary now but still feeling confident that he has the right answer, walks up and says “I-I cap’n!”. The captain slowly shakes his head and says “I lost my eye long ago boy” before shooting him out of a cannon. A third sailor, now very wary, but seeing no way of escape, slowly walks up and says “Well cap’n, a pirate loves his treasure, and on his treasure maps it’s an X that marks the spot.” The captain considers this for a moment, then slowly shakes his head and says “That might be true boy, but my ex stole my treasure long ago” before skewering the sailor with his sword. Thinking for sure that no one must have the answer, the captain gives the signal for his crew to throw the rest of the sailors overboard and turns around to walk away. Suddenly, from the crowd, he hears a small voice cry out “Captain! Above all else, a pirate loves the C.” With a grin on his face, the captain turns around and says “That’s exactly right! But who said that?”. Out of the crowd comes the young boy who was the deck hand, who says “It was I, captain”. Suddenly, a gunshot is heard and the boy falls over, dead. The captain, holding a smoking pistol says “No boy, not I! C! I just said that!”
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What is the weirdest conversation you’ve overheard?
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A plane crashes. Every single person dies. Who survives?
Every couple -my 8yr old daughters riddle
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A Klansman, a murderer and a wife beater walks to a bar
The bartender says: “Hello Officer, what would you like to drink?”
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How did Kanye commit suicide?
He jumped from the top of his ego.
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Before the swordfight could begin, one big ferocious knight displays a gigantic sword to his opponent, an unarmed midget-knight, and laughs at him
The midget knight doesn’t seem to be frightened and proceeds to be in the position to fight. The big knight lunges towards him and gets closer, the crowed cheers in anticipation! immediately the midget knight jumps in air, pulls out his Dick and stabs the mighty knight in eye. The crowd screams as the big bloodied knight trembles and falls to the ground dead. The crowd goes silent with disbelief, gaping. The midget knight, wipes his hands smeared in blood and looks at the bewildered faces and says..”What ? Did you not know Penis mightier than sword?”
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What’s red and smells?
Rudolph’s nose.
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Trump is visiting a school and walks into a classroom.
The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”.So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, “if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that’d be a tragedy.”“Not quite”, says Mr. Trump, “that would be an accident.”A little girl raises her hand: “if a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”“I’m afraid not,” explained the president. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”The room goes silent. Trump searches the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy? “Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, “If Air Force One, carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens; that would be a tragedy.”“Fantastic!” exclaimed Mr. Trump. “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”“Well’, said little Johnny, “because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”
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Yesterday my doctor told me my chronic diarrhea is inherited.
Runs in the family.
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Jokes
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