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Jokes

  • ikea

    Ghepetto walked in on his son Pinnochio, and nearly died of a heart attack when he saw his son..

    Lying under the bed sheets with an IKEA catalog..

  • solver

    When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem Solver.

  • hug

    To those who say love is more important than money…
    Have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? 

  • hell

    In hell, everyone can see your Google search history.

  • almost cooking

    The recipe might be easy, but a reservation is easier.

  • to do

    The Pink Panther’s To Do list:
    – To do
    – To do
    – To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo

  • not miracle

    “MOM I HAVE GOOD NEWS!
    “What? Did you get an A on your math exam?”
    “I said I have good news, not a miracle.”

  • exotic stare

    Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.

  • ACTUAL ORIGINAL JOKE:

    A kid and his father were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, the 6 year old son turns to address his father on his left and exclaims, “Daddy, that man’s wiener is a lot bigger than yours!” The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at the father. So he put his hand around his kid and told him “Well son, that’s because daddy isn’t aroused by men.”

  • prefer

    Actually officer, I prefer to think scotch smells like me.