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Jokes

  • waiting

    Inside every fat woman there is a thin woman.

    Inside every thin woman there is a fat woman waiting for marriage.

  • anonymous

    “Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.” – anonymous

  • cache

    I tried to download a girlfriend last night.

    But I didn’t have enough cache.

  • immortal

    They say laughter is the best medicine, and based on how many people laugh at me, I’m gonna live forever.

  • be a warrior

    Worry is a waste of energy. It cant change the past. It cant control the future. It only makes today miserable. Be a warrior, not a worrier

  • prank

    Every time I see someone with Google glasses I’m gonna run up and scream “image search diarrhea, safety mode off! open first 50 results in new tabs” then disappear into the night.

  • unrealistic

    I was watching porn with my wife and she complained “This is so unrealistic.” I replied, “Just because you’re unwilling to try new things, doesn’t mean everyone is that frigid.”

    “Not that,” she explained, “It’s just the plumbers, cable installers, and delivery men that come to our house have tiny dicks.”

  • advice

    Worry is a waste of energy. It cant change the past. It cant control the future. It only makes today miserable. Be a warrior, not a worrier

  • another

    My goal is to lose this hangover

    So I can earn another.

  • soon or later

    Tomorrow will be better, and if it’s not I say it again tomorrow…you never know right? At some point, someday…tomorrow WILL be better..