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A Catholic, a Muslim and a Jew walk into a bar.
Bartender says “Is this some kinda fucking joke”
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The Gaunts snatched me from my room, through a nightmare.
For over a century, now, I’ve watched my body grow, create, die, and decay as my soul, entangled in the ever flowing robe-like bodies of my captors, steal more and more children from their dreams.
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I tried to be nice to someone today and hold the door open for them
But all they did was scream and fly out the airplane
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If sound travels better underwater, why is my hearing so much worse?
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What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when he asked what the weather forecast for Christmas was?
It looks like rain, dear.
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Bernie …
Sanders
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I bought my wig at a discount store because I didn’t want toupee full price.
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I finally got my high school dream girl to find me attractive and to be by girlfriend,,, wanna know how I did it?
I waited about 5 years until she was now divorce and a single mom…
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See it in her eyes
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My friend won this at the office White Elephant