Jokes

I really don’t like to brag about my wealth…

But yesterday, I had to have my heating on.

Mee: I don’t get nervous during presentation.

Also mee: ‘Hello everyone! My name is Presentation’.

Why can’t Putin communicate effectively with his generals?
Because he has to shout his orders from across the table.

Boobs are nature’s anti-stress balls, unfortunately they’re attached to the number one leading cause of stress.

In fact, putler is sending his reserve army to Ukraine to find out what happened to the regular one.

A sex-ed teacher walks into class with a banana and says “today, I will demonstrate how to use a condom”.

After he starts eating the banana, a student asks “I thought you were going to show us how to use a condom?”

“I’m about to” says the teacher, “but I can’t get hard on an empty stomach.”

Wife: When was the last time you gave me an orgasm.
Husband: Well this morning if I’m not mistaken.
Wife: Yeah in your dreams.Husband: No love In your coffee actually.

Mary: Jane, do you do any sports activities at all?
Jane: Yes I do.
Mary: Wow, what sports do you do?
Jane: I do cross fit
Mary: Cross fit? What’s that?
Jane: It’s where I cross my fingers and hope my clothes fit!

He was surprised when his girlfriend said she wanted another round right after they finished having sex.
“Come again?”

I’m not racist my sense of humor is black.