thefun

I don’t know babe, you have an iPhone and I have an Android. We’re just two completely different people.

Men, never go to a bar to pick up women. Just hang out in the shower head section at Home Depot.

I’ve just dropped my wife off at her mom’s, on my way to the bar. Man I fucking love this helicopter.

Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor… Read More »before

If humans stood in a single file line around the equator, most of them would drown.

What I’ve learned from movies: No matter how fast you run, a psychopath can catch up to you by slowly walking.

When I tell my barber to “take a little off the top”, he tells me god already beat him to it.

A professor at Auburn University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. Getting a feel for his students, he asks “How many of you believe… Read More »ghosts

I looked at my girlfriend ,who was sitting next to me, and I thought to myself, “My God, what a beauty! What a woman! True… Read More »bacon

My boss asked me to work through my lunch break today. I shouted, “You fucking Asshole! I come in at 7.30 and don’t get thanks… Read More »no problem