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thefun

who

‘Pizza Hut, can I take your order?’ Me: ‘May I speak with the owl, please?’ ”Who?” Me: ‘Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.’

with what

Some bloke accused me of trying to pick pocket him today. “You’re too slow for me” he laughed. “Now fuck off before I call the… Read More »with what

turn on

When I undress in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on.

moment

Me: “This is a heart touching moment” Her: “No, you have your hands on my boobs”

remember

Can you explain how this lipstick got on your collar? asked a suspicious wife. No, I can’t, the husband said. I distinctly remember taking my… Read More »remember

element

I’ve been suspended from school for another three days. When my science teacher asked me what my favourite element was, karate chopping her and saying… Read More »element

check

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow for an MRI to find out if I’m claustrophobic.

fun fact

Fuck a woman and she’ll love you…love a woman and she’ll fuck you!

complaint

I’m absolutely disgusted! Easter is almost over and I can’t find any christmas cards on sale yet.