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thefun

NO!

After watching my son play Grand Theft Auto V, he certainly won’t be driving my car anytime soon.

Water

Jesus walks into a bar with his disciples. “Thirteen glasses of water, please,” Jesus said to the barman, winking at the others.

Use the..

Luke Skywalker and I went for Chinese. After many failed attempts by Luke to use the chopsticks, I was like, Luke, USE THE FORKS!!

Reminder

Just a reminder that mammogramming is more important than instagramming your boobs. Awareness month c:

siren

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says “Hey little girl.Read More »siren

like God

My girlfriend treats me like God. She takes no notice of my existence till she wants something.

story

Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it’s best to just kill yourself.

to try

My doctor told me that I was sterile today. I can’t wait to get home and tell my girlfriend that I want to try for… Read More »to try

trust

My girlfriend complains all the time that she doesnt trust me, i dont know why, i mean my wife trusts me.