thefun

We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we’re terrified people in real life will find us… Read More »Find

If you have to drink more than 3 cups of coffee in the morning, maybe you should switch to cocaine.

I seem to have two modes: Sleep is for the weak, and then sleep for a week.

Me: Officer before you arrest me, can I use this get out of jail card? GF: This is why we don’t role play.

It was my son’s birthday yesterday. I said to him last night, “Blow out the candles and make a wish.” He said, “I wish you… Read More »Make a wish

If someone doesn’t call back after 2-3 calls, chances are they’re just not that into you. I wish these debt collectors would understand that.

My boss is coming to my grandad’s funeral tomorrow. He said, after his three previous funerals he personally wants to see the bastard go in… Read More »Three previous

“So you’re telling me you carry a customer’s groceries to their car free of charge?” I asked the bag boy at the supermarket this morning.… Read More »Service

My wife said I could do whatever I liked on my birthday. So I’m flying to Brazil to start a new life.

If I ever won the lottery, I would still go back to work…. And tell them all to GO FUCK THEMSELVES.