Jokes

…told his audience he’d disappear on the count of three.He began counting “Uno, dos…”And he disappeared without a tres.

For example: Ben is in a hurry. Vs Ben is in a coma

Siri: Sending missiles to Iran today.

“5 beers please”

And heaven was boring as fuck and hell was a 24/7 hookers and blow non stop party. So the next day he goes back to st Peter? And says, “nah.. I’m going to stay in hell” and when he goes back down with the devil it’s all torture and Sulphur and fire and brimstone and he goes to the devil and says “what the fuck?? Where are the hookers and blow? The dj and pools?” and the devil responds….”well, that’s the difference between being a tourist and being an immigrant”

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Iran

I said: “There’s the door”

I started the year off on the highest note possible.