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Jokes

  • A rich man buys a new Lamborghini.

    Long

  • What do you call Caitlyn Jenner’s penis?

    [removed]

  • My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

    It just made her more upset.

    She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

  • A son asks his dad, “Why is my sister named Teresa?”

    “Because your mom loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram for Easter.”

    “Thanks Dad!”

    “You’re welcome Alan.”

  • How do you get a country girl’s attention?

    A tractor

  • “Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.”

    “But I never went to college.”

    “Well then, I’m sorry. You are underqualified to work here.”

  • I told my friends ten puns to try to make them laugh

    But no pun in ten did

  • A man asks a female friend if she’d sleep with him for a million dollars…

    “A million?” she says. “I guess so.”

    “Would you sleep with me for just one dollar?” he asks.

    “One dollar?! Hell no! What kind of woman do you think I am?!”

    “We’ve already established what kind of woman you are.” says the man. “Now we’re just haggling over the price.”

  • Teacher was having a problem with a boy

    >>Teacher was having a problem with a boy
    A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class.
    The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”.
    The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.
    Principal: What is 3+3?
    Boy: 6.
    Principal: 6+6.
    Boy: 12.
    The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
    Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
    Boy: Legs.
    Madam: What is in your trousers that I don’t have?
    Boy: Pockets.
    Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
    Boy: Coconut.
    Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?
    The principal’s eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
    Boy: Bubble gum.
    Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
    Boy: Tent.
    The principal was looking restless.
    Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
    Boy: Wedding ring.
    Madam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?Boy: Nose.
    Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.Boy: Arrow.
    Principal: OH MY GOD.
    Madam: What starts with ‘F’ and ends wit a ‘K’ and if you don’t get it, you have to use your hand?Boy: Fork.
    Madam: What is it that all men have, it’s longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
    Boy: Surname.
    Principal: Ohooo!
    Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
    Boy: Heart.
    Principal: Eeeeeh!
    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, “Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!”
    “““““
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  • A man goes to his doctor and says, “Please help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is really worsening.”