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Jokes

  • lying

    If anyone ever tells you they’ve lost their voice,
    They’re lying.

  • If i ate..

    if-i-ate

  • So do I

    When Victoria Secrets commercials come on tv.
    So do I.

  • SCORE

    I heard some girl having sex moans through my window. in my best mortal kombat voice i could. I yelled FINISH HER!!! I heard alot of laughing.

  • really good..

    Either my boyfriend has early signs of Parkinson’s or I just gave him a really good blow-job.

  • i can explain

    I lost my phone, so if you find it I can explain the pictures.
    I suspected my hamster had hypothermia so I needed to stick him somewhere warm, quickly.

  • best friend

    A friend will share their lunch.
    A good friend will buy you lunch.
    A best friend will eat your lunch

  • Some advice:

    Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut after.

  • start

    I’m about to start my work, but first let me disamble my stapler and name and polish every part.

  • not in a mood

    I had to laugh last night when my boyfriend said he wasn’t in the mood for sex.

    As if it’s an option.