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Jokes

  • wow

    Broke people shopping:
    “Wow! This is the *sees price tag* ugliest shirt I’ve ever seen “

  • hell

    There is a town in Norway called Hell.
    It freezes over almost every winter.

  • for mama

    Maria had just gotten married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her.
    “Don’t worry, Maria. Stephen’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.”
    So up she went.When she got upstairs, Stephen took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest.Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Stephen’s got a big hairy chest.”
    “Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother,” all good men have hairy chests.Go upstairs.He’ll take good care of you.” So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Stephen took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. “Mama, Mama, Stephen took off his pants and he’s got hairy legs!” “Don’t worry.All good men have hairy legs. Stephen’s a good man.Go upstairs and he’ll take good care of you.” So up she went again. When she got up there, Stephen took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran down stairs. “Mama, Mama, Stephen’s got a foot and a half!” “Stay here and stir the pasta,” says the mother. “This is a job for Mama.”

  • argument

    I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you.

    They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.

  • sale

    Saw a boat with a sign that read, “For Sale”, so I added the missing “-ing”……..Idiots.

  • free trial

    High school is like a free trial on education and then once you’ve graduated they say, “Ok now if you want to continue, please pay $50,000.”

  • never

    I might be going to hell, but my at least my coffee will never get cold.

  • reward

    If I find out who sent my wife a large bouquet of flowers today, I’m going to beat their ass.

    ….The stupid bitch thought it was me and now wants to reward me with sex.

  • safe

    Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn’t even listening to you.

  • oral

    I Gave your girlfriend an oral mammogram.