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A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions
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Every year I tune into ‘Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years Eve’ thinking this will be the year it’s worth watching.
But they always drop the ball.
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I’ve opened up a restaurant called “Karma”
There is no menu, you get what you deserve.
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We shouldn’t worry about our phones and TVs spying on us.
However, our vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years now.
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A man is on a stretcher, being prepped for surgery.
The surgeon walks in, takes a deep breath and says:“Okay, David. This is a simple operation.”The man says: “My name isn’t David.”The surgeon replies: “No, it’s my name.”
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JOKESTER
Get you a girl who doesn’t have a wrong hole.
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What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on new years eve?
He got 12 months!
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A knock knock joke for automotive savvy people
Knock knock.Who’s there?Sensor.Sensor who?P0325
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Going 20 years sober on January 5th!
It will be 20 years since I last had a drink on the 5th of January. I drink on all of the other days.
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Wife Missing
My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill and bought all her clothes back.