“I love you,” I slurred as I phoned my wife from the pub.
“I love you too,” came the reply.
“When I get back, I’m going to bury my head in your pussy,” I continued.
“Three things, Brian,” she replied. “1 – You’ve got the wrong number, 2 – this is your mother and 3 -the last time your face was in my pussy was 40 years ago and I shit on your head. Good night.